Men’s Rules

This is somewhat amusing (not to mention controversial) and there is a line in there for every occasion.

We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side. These are our rules! Please note these are all numbered '1' ON PURPOSE!

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl.

If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down.

You don't hear us bitching about you leaving it down.

1. Sometimes we are not thinking about you. Live with it.

1.Saturday = sports.

It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

1. Don't cut your hair. Ever.

Long hair is always more attractive than short hair.

One of the big reasons guys fear getting married is

that married women always cut their hair.

1. Shopping is NOT a sport.

And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one:

Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work!

Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!

1. We don't remember dates.

Mark birthdays and anniversaries on a calendar.

Remind us frequently beforehand.

1. Most guys own three pairs of shoes - tops.

What makes you think we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress?

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers

to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. Check your oil! Please.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.

We refuse to answer.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways,

and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

1. Let us ogle. We are going to look anyway; it's genetic.

1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it

done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it

yourself.

1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and of course neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colours, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a colour. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

1. We are not mind readers and we never will be.

Our lack of mind-reading ability is not proof of how little we care about you.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like

nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the

hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really.

1. BEER is as exciting for us, just as handbags are for you.

1. I am in shape !! ROUND is a shape !